The Clam Rampant

Kasia February 28th, 2007

…which is hard to do when your car won’t go into gear.

I’m at home at 10:30 a.m. on a Wednesday, waiting for my dear mother to come drive me over to The Big Seester’s to borrow her car so I can drive that over to my second job where my car is sitting idle, have it towed to the dealership, then drive to work.

Didja get all that? I’m not sure I did. Thank God for family…that’s all I can say.

The one bonus is that I got to sleep in a little bit this morning. That’s particularly a bonus because I was up much later than usual dealing with the situation. But I’m still tired.

I don’t think this car is going to make it to 300,000 miles like I’d hoped. Maybe, with a little luck and a lot of prayer, we’ll make 250.

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Kasia February 27th, 2007

This has to be quick, because I’m at my other job right now, but this struck me and I just had to post it. I’m going through a pile of papers, verifying contact information against what’s in the computer, and occasionally doing a WhitePages.com search to check a phone number. (WhitePages.com is a little creepy, by the way, but that’s a post for another day.)

Anyway, and I can post this because it wasn’t one of our clients, someone popped up with the same last name as the client I was looking for. Her first name? Moronia.

Eeek. I mean, I’m sure she’s a lovely lady, and it would be a lovely name if it didn’t have that…singularly unfortunate association. But eeek.

This is why, if I ever have kids, I’m cross-referencing their names against as many languages as I can think of. It’s kind of like the Greeks protesting the EU’s decision to name their monetary unit the “euro” because, in Greek, it takes on a second (not very favorable) connotation. Only this is worse, because it’s a human being, not a unit of currency.

I can’t imagine what she went through in junior high school.

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Kasia February 27th, 2007

Do you have a school-aged child? He or she is (or they are) eligible to enter a poster or essay contest (depending on his or her age) sponsored by Wayne State University’s Center for Community-Based Education. K-8 children may submit for the poster contest, 9-12 for the essay contest, and yes, home school children are eligible!

From the poster contest guidelines:

Students must submit a poster addressing the topic, “The Global Community and Me.” Judges will be looking to see interrelated themes of the global community, the importance of community service, and how individuals can help.

From the essay contest guidelines:

Students must submit an essay addressing the topic, “The Global Community and Me.” Judges will be looking to see interrelated themes of the global community, the importance of community service, and how individuals can help.

These contests are being sponsored for National & Global Youth Service Day. The deadline for both is March 30, 2007. Please e-mail Kelley Skillin at kskillin@wayne.edu or me at clamrampant@yahoo.com for complete details.

Wayne State University is partnering with Youth Service America and State Farm Companies Foundation to promote National & Global Youth Service Days (NGYSD) in southeastern Michigan. Wayne State University will mobilize more than 1,000 young people to serve in the community from April 16 – 22, 2007, to foster a lifetime commitment to service, learning, leadership and achievement. Volunteers will conduct service projects addressing children’s literacy, hunger, the environment, and other important issues in the community.

If I can figure out how, I will link to the actual documents on the site so you don’t have to e-mail me or Kelley to get them. 

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Kasia February 27th, 2007

Did anyone else hear about Louis Farrakhan’s speech the other day? I’d been seeing billboards for it up all around the city for the last month or so.

I haven’t been able to find the text of the speech online yet, but from what I’ve seen in the press coverage, it sounds like Farrakhan has decided he wants to be a uniter, not a divider. When did this happen?!

The title of the speech was “One Nation Under God,” and Farrakhan is reported to have said that America’s problem right now is that religion is being used as a tool to divide rather than unite. Not that Farrakhan and the Nation of Islam have ever been known to be divisive on religious issues… (/sarcasm)

He also allegedly said that if Jesus and Muhammad were on the stage behind  him, they would embrace as brothers. I have to say that that’s a distinctly Muslim perspective, since Muslims teach that Jesus was a prophet and that Muhammad was called as a prophet to clear up that little misunderstanding that Jesus’ followers had. You know, about His being the Messiah, the Son of God, the Word made flesh, etc.

But hey. As far as I can see, if Farrakhan’s mellowing out a bit, it can only be a good thing.

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Kasia February 27th, 2007

This was a weird morning for news. I keep my car and bedroom radios tuned to news radio (traffic and weather together on the eights!), and I listen to it while I’m getting dressed and driving to work. It gets annoying after a while (especially since I know most of the commercials by heart), but it’s what I do.

 This morning was a really strange one. First, apparently a British couple might lose custody of their eight-year-old because he’s “dangerously overweight.”

Now, I don’t know this couple, I don’t know their kid, and I don’t know the situation. He might be a real-life Eric Cartman, being fed on chocolate-chicken-pot-pie and being told “You’re not fat; you’re big boned.” On the other hand, he might have a glandular disorder or some other underlying medical problem. I like to think that the British government wouldn’t be moronic enough to take the kid away from  his parents if there wasn’t compelling evidence of gross neglect, but I’m sorry to say I’m just not that confident. But for the sake of argument, let’s say he has no underlying medical issue. Should teaching your kid bad eating habits - or allowing him/her to have bad eating habits - really be grounds for losing custody? If so, half the parents in America (the fattest nation in the developed world, thanks very much) should lose custody.

Second, I heard a report on a sociological study that has found that current college kids are the biggest narcissists ever. Remember all that emphasis on making sure your kid had good self-esteem? Apparently we took it too far (as we usually do). The funniest part was that one of the station’s reporters went down to my fair campus, my employer and alma mater, and interviewed a couple of students to get their reactions. The student who disagreed with the finding didn’t disagree with the premise that college students are narcissistic. His beef with the findings was that he doesn’t think his generation is any more narcissistic than those who came before. But isn’t it a classic sign of narcissism, to assume that everyone else is like you?

The baby boomers were narcissistic, but at least their narcissism was veiled in altruism. “We can change the world and make it better!” They were wrong about what was fundamentally good, but at least you can make an argument that they had good intentions. Now we’re looking at out-and-out, unabashed “It’s all about MEEEEE!” -ism.

Now that I think of it, a girl in my French class had a tee shirt that said “Actually, it IS all about me.” She also had one that said “Stupidity isn’t a crime…so you’re free to go.”

Finally, and those of you who haven’t known me as TBS has won’t appreciate this as she will, but I had a moment where I missed Ari Fleischer.

Ari Fleischer, for those of you who don’t know, was G.W. Bush’s first press secretary. I couldn’t stand him. He rubbed every nerve of mine the wrong way. However, much as I disliked Ari Fleischer, he was actually a very good press secretary. Maybe the press is just having fun with Tony Snow, but every time I hear him quoted on the air he sounds like a moderately articulate junior high schooler. Today it was something about “rounding up the bad guys.” Seriously. If you used that in a basic college speech class, depending on the teacher, you might be able to get away with it. But when you’re the public face of the President of the United States, when you speak for his administration, when you are basically the head of PR for the U.S. Government…can’t you think a little better on your feet? I still am not a fan of Ari Fleischer, but he was good at his job.

To be fair, it may well be that the press is intentionally airing some of Snow’s less brilliant moments, to make it look like  he’s worse at his job than he really is. I don’t watch a lot of press conferences any more (no cable and no reception to speak of on network TV), so I don’t have a good sense of how he does at them by and large. It wouldn’t be the first time that the press messed with someone. So if that’s what’s going on, I apologize right now to Tony Snow for thinking he’s not up to snuff.

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Kasia February 24th, 2007

Welcome to our blog.

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admin February 23rd, 2007

Question for readers

I know many of you are crack apologists…I mean, as in “very good apologists,” not as in “crackpot”…oh, never mind!

Anyway, I wonder how you respond to what I like to call the “Well, the Bible condones slavery!” argument? I’ve never quite known how to respond to it, and it’s probably due more to my inadequate study of Scripture than anything else, but does anyone have any insights?

Thanks!

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admin February 20th, 2007

My favorite light bulb joke ever…

This was copy/pasted from the Chestnut Hill Monthly Meeting’s web site (they’re a Quaker meeting in Philadelphia). Apparently credit is best to be given to the Californian Quaker cited at the bottom. In any event, it’s flippin’ brilliant.

How many Quakers does it take to change a lightbulb?

That depends. If the lightbulb is in the meetinghouse, then it takes the whole meeting, and 3-9 months.

First, property committee has to notify clerk that a lightbulb is burned out. It will then be put on the agenda for the next monthly meeting for business. When it comes up on the agenda, clerk will ask how Friends respond to the notice from property committee. Then, clerk of property committee will be asked for that committee’s recommendation regarding the burned out bulb, and we will learn that property committee was merely notifying meeting of the state of the bulb, and it did not reach the point of trying to make a recommendation. The matter will then be referred back to property committee to come up with a recommendation regarding the bulb, and the matter will be put on the agenda for the next monthly meeting for business, four weeks later.

At the next monthly meeting, property committee will report that it needs more time to make a recommendation because it has asked for consultation from other committees, and it has not yet received reports from these other committees. The Peace and Social Order committee is reporting back regarding the relationship between the utility company and the armaments industry and the Pentagon, and looking for a manufacturer of lightbulbs that does not have such ties. Unity With Nature Committee is reporting in the effects of the use of electricity on the environment, and whether the old light bulb is biodegradable, and, if not, is there any way to get rid of it that comports with our commitment to the environment. The Committee on Right Sharing of the World’s Resources has reported back that any additional use of lightbulbs by meeting flies in the face of our testimony of simplicity, and recommends that the burned out bulb be left in place as a reminder of all who must live without the benefit of electrical power. The matter is then put over to the next meeting for business.

At the next meeting for business, all committees report and there is no unity on a recommendation to change or not to change the lightbulb. Clerk schedules a threshing to take place in the interim before the next meeting for business, at which time it will be on the agenda again.

At the next meeting for business, Clerk discerns a sense of the meeting among Friends and attenders that meeting should do the following:

1. Remove the burned out bulb from the socket, but not disposed of. It shall be kept on the mantle above the fireplace.

2. A new bulb, provided one need not be purchased, shall be placed into the socket, but not screwed in all the way so as not to use additional current. The decision as to when to screw the bulb in all the way is referred back to property committee which will makes its recommendation, after input from all the other committees previously involved, at a future meeting for business.

3. If a new lightbulb needs to be purchased, the matter will be referred to the finance committee to review and make a recommendation.

After a period of silence, an old, well respected Quaker scholar and weighty Friend rises to quote from George Fox, stating that, “It is not in thy power to change it. Thy task is to bring it to Christ and leave it there.” In view of this, weighty Friend must stand in the way. After another, even longer period of silence, another Friend rises to make the point that our willingness to proceed requires respect for Fox’s writings, but must be tempered by the light received by meeting today. More silence. Clerk discerns that there is no sense of the meeting to proceed at this time, and offers to lay the matter over for the next meeting for business. Weighty Friend suggests that since so many of us did not grow up as Quakers, we might schedule an adult education series on the writings of George Fox on the inward Light, thereby preparing meeting for its future possible consideration of when the new light bulb should be screwed into the socket. There is clearly strong unity on the Fox series, and Clerk receives volunteers to arrange and schedule it. Weighty Friend then agrees to stand aside. Meeting Clerk then reads back the three points on which there had been unity, and asks for a period of silence. The matter is minuted. Then another Friend suggests that the matter be put over until the next monthly meeting since it is our custom to put over all action items for a month for seasoning. Friends agree, and the matter is put over to be reconsidered after seasoning.

Before the next monthly meeting, old weighty Friend becomes ill and at the time of monthly meeting for business, is still in the hospital. Meeting agrees not to act on the lightbulb matter until weighty Friend recovers, since the matter was so close to his heart. The matter is put over to next meeting for business, at which time, though weighty Friend is still in the hospital, he has sent a message that he is still willing to stand aside so long as the Fox education series goes on. Clerk re-reads the three points on which meeting reached unity, and there is a loud “Agreed”.

Amhara Powell In “… the Light That Shineth in Darkness…” Orange Grove Monthly Meeting Pasadena, California

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admin February 20th, 2007

Giving Up for Lent

I thought I had the best idea EVER for a Lenten penance.

Ready?

I was going to give up sarcasm.

So I told The Big Seester about my plans. She thought it was such a great idea that she promptly decided to bogart it, which was fine with me. It’s actually an even better idea for her than for me. Mind you, I don’t think sarcasm is necessarily sinful, though it’s often used to tear down rather than build up. I just thought it would be a good exercise in guarding my tongue, giving up something that I enjoy, and growing closer to Jesus.

But the more I thought about it, the more I thought that maybe it wasn’t such a good penance for me. I mean, I use sarcasm and enjoy it, but it seemed like there was something that would be a better choice.

I considered giving up unnecessary use of the Internet, but got into difficulties in defining “necessary” - is online banking necessary? what about Yahoo Yellow Pages? E-mail? Instant messenger, when I have both personal and work contacts on it? Then I considered fasting from blogs. I may do that next year, but this year, especially with RCIA continuing and my entrance into the Church at the Easter Vigil…

But I think I’ve got the perfect penance for me this year. The Canuck is free to comment on how difficult this will be for me:

I will get up when my alarm goes off every morning. I will not use the snooze button.

Yes, I’m fasting from the snooze button this Lent. I think I will also do some sort of food-related penance, since once I’m out of bed and stumbling toward the bathroom my penance is (more or less) over for the day…I think I’ll give up sweets - that’ll be especially difficult, as my Girl Scout cookies are due to be delivered this week.

And Father John challenged us in RCIA to spend at least one hour per week (at one time, not piecemeal) at Eucharistic Adoration. So I’ll be doing that as well, plus (of course) the requisite fasting on Ash Wednesday and Good Friday, and the requisite abstinence from meat on Fridays.

This will not be an easy Lent. But Father John does say that “You get out of Easter what you put into Lent.” And Sister Mary Martha says “No one let up on Jesus, you slacker.”

I think they’re both right.

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admin February 16th, 2007

Input received

Thanks very much to everyone who offered their thoughts on my situation with the Rite and my family. I heard back from the DRE, and actually, she said anyone I invite will be taking their chances for seating, as they had to book a certain number of seats for catechumens, candidates, sponsors, her and Father John. So while The Big Seester is still invited if she wants to go under the circumstances, everyone else (including the Canuck) is pretty much off the hook.

That said, I was interested in some of the comments posted. I feel like I should explain why I was so leery of telling the family (although TBS is right that I don’t like conflict, there is more to the story than that).

Did anyone here happen to read TBS’ post about our family’s penchant for creating crises? Take a look here for a small sample of the insanity of Beloved-But-Nuts Mother. The story about our uncle is true; his girlfriend really did break up with him by telling him that in our family it was one kee-risis after another (in fact, I think that was how she turned down his proposal of marriage, to be painfully specific). OK. Now that we know that my family’s flair for drama is nothing new (as said uncle died in 1980), we can move along to the meat of the post.

So initially I was trying to think of how I would “come out” as a then-prospective convert to my parents. My mother is Unitarian-Universalist (mind you, she isn’t a theological unitarian, as that presupposes a belief in God). My father is an atheist.

My father will think I’m gullible and have been duped. I can handle that.

My mother will take this as a personal betrayal of her and various things about her life. That’s harder to deal with, because my mother has brought guilt-tripping to the level of an art form. (You’d think SHE was Catholic, ha…ahem, anyway.) But ok.

So the question, more than whether to tell them, was when and how to tell them. I considered a few approaches:

THE STEEL MAGNOLIAS APPROACH:
“Mom/Dad, I have bad news. I have cancer. I have six months to live.

“Hey folks, I’m only kidding! I’m just converting to Catholicism!”

What was that about drama and kee-rises?

THE NYAH-NYAH APPROACH:
“So you know how you don’t like the Catholic Church, and think it’s oppressive and antiquated?…”

Um, no. Definitely not.

THE “I’M TRYING TO BE MATURE ABOUT THIS” APPROACH
“Mom/Dad, I have something to tell you.

“You know how everyone takes their own spiritual path…well, I’ve been looking into the Catholic Church, and I’m pretty sure I’m going to convert.”

Honestly, this was the approach I had planned to take, but the real problem is finding an appropriate place in the conversation for it. Well, that and the follow-up, like explaining how I happened to decide to move away from the Episcopal Church (in the case of my mother) and explaining why I’m not actually a self-loathing closet misogynist who is nursing on the opiate of the masses to my father. Come to think of it, I’ll have to explain that to my mother too…and my aunt…and my cousins…

THE DELUSIONAL “YOU MIGHT ACTUALLY BE HAPPY FOR ME” APPROACH
“So I’ve got some really exciting news - I’m going to be received into the Catholic Church at Easter! …Mom, please stop crying!”

I briefly considered this, then dismissed it as disingenuous. I mean, I think it’s exciting, and TBS thinks it’s exciting, and I’d guess most of my readers (being Catholics) think it’s exciting…but I know perfectly well that my family won’t see it that way. It’ll be more of a case of “another one bites the dust,” especially when they figure out that I won’t be modeling my Catholic conscience after Bp. Gumbleton.

But back to the point about kee-rises. I feel like bringing the topic up, no matter how I do it, is stating to them that this needs to have a crisis made of it. Which they will gladly do. I don’t see why it needs to be a kee-risis. But then, it’s only in the last 50 years or less that changing religions (or even denominations within Christianity) has become less than utterly shocking in this country. I know another uncle of mine, when he married my Catholic aunt in the 1950s, ended up having to convert because her family stopped talking to her for having married a Protestant. (I don’t think his parents minded, but then, they were a mixed Catholic-Protestant couple themselves.)

Ah well…just one more thing to pray and reflect on, I guess.

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