The Clam Rampant

Kasia June 26th, 2007

Let me count the ways…

Well, actually, let me just mention one of them for now. She sent me a HI-larious parody of “I Am the Very Model of a Modern Major-General” from “The Pirates of Penzance” courtesy of Mark Shea. It’s called “I Am the Very Model of a Modern Unitarian.” It’s so funny, it’s almost Tim Ferguson caliber. And I, being a bit of an instigator, double-dog-dared her to send it to our mother, the 27-year-UU. She, being wily, got me to bribe her with the promise of an iced cappuccino next payday to do something she probably enjoyed doing…but it’s OK; it’s well worth the $3 for the iced capp!

Here are the revised lyrics:

I am the Very Model of a Modern Unitarian
by Christopher Gist Raible
Sung to ” I am the Very Model of a Modern Major General” from ” Pirates of Penzance”.

I am the very model of a modern Unitarian,
Far broader than a Catholic, Hindu, Jew or Presbyterian.
I know the world’s religions and can trace their roots historical
From Moses up to Channing, all in order categorical.
I’m very well acquainted, too, with theories theological,
On existential questions I am always wholly logical,
About most any problem I am teeming with a lot of views,
I’m full of fine ideas that should fill our church’s empty pews.

(Chorus members:
We’re full of fine ideas that should fill our church’s empty pews.
We’re full of fine ideas that should fill our church’s empty pews.
We’re full of fine ideas that should fill our church’s empty empty pews.)

I quote from Freud and Jung and all the experts psychological.
I’m anti nuke, I don’t pollute I’m chastely ecological.
In short, in matters spiritual, ethical, material,
I am the very model of a modern Unitarian.

(Chorus members:
In short, in matters spiritual, ethical, material,
We are the very model of a modern Unitarian.)

I use the latest language; God is never Father or the Lord,
But Ground of Being, Source of Life or almost any other word.
I never pray, I meditate, I’m leary about worshipping.
I serve on 10 committees none of which accomplish anything.
I give to worthy causes and I drive a gas conserving car,
I have good UU principles (although I’m not sure what they are).
I’m open to opinions of profound or broad variety,
Unless they’re too conservative or smack of righteous piety.

(Chorus members:
Unless they’re too conservative or smack of righteous piety.
Unless they’re too conservative or smack of righteous piety.
Unless they’re too conservative or smack of righteous pie-piety.)

I formulate agendas and discuss them with the best of ‘em,
But don’t ask me to implement, we leave that to the rest of ‘em.
In short in matters spiritual, ethical, material,
I am the very model of today’s religious liberal.

(Chorus members:
In short, in matters spiritual, ethical, material,
We are the very model of today’s religious liberal.)

As it happened, Mom thought it was so funny she forwarded it to her minister and choir director. Ah well. It’s still an excuse to buy an iced capp. 

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