Just for Miss Jean… :-)
Kasia August 22nd, 2007
…ok, maybe for me too. 
I hate the Woodward Dream Cruise.
I know there are some who would have some choice words for me over that, but there you have it. I could go the rest of my life never hearing about the Woodward Dream Cruise and be a happy, happy Clam.
I would probably feel the same way about the Auto Show, but considering what the Auto Show’s leaving Detroit would mean for the Michigan economy, which of course is already in shambles, it gets a pass. I just never want to try to take the Tunnel Bus again during the Auto Show.
But the Dream Cruise…no. It gets no pass.
Don’t get me wrong. I dig old cars. And it’s a neat idea to have a given day where all the old cars are cruising Woodward like they used to do way back in the day, even if what you end up with is a bizarre historical mishmash, from Model Ts to Hummer limos.
Here is why I hate the Dream Cruise, broken down into points:
Point One: the Dream Cruise went from being a one-day event to being a week-long boondoggle.
Have a one-day cruise where one of the major arteries of the metro area is blocked off for cruising. Fine. But don’t have sixteen events leading up to it that clog the area for miles around! I used to work at a bank at Twelve Mile and Greenfield, so a couple of miles west of Woodward, and by Thursday night the streets were a mess. (For you lucky non-Detroiters, the Cruise is on a Saturday. Last Saturday, in fact.)
Point two: on a related note, it turns living, working, and driving in the area into the sixth ring of Hell. I have yet to meet anyone who works along that section of the Woodward corridor who has anything good to say about the Cruise, although I imagine the restauranteurs like it, seeing as they actually might turn a profit from it.
Point three: not only has the Dream Cruise been blown up into a monster, but like any good Hydra it is sprouting heads. Next they started talking about a Gratiot Cruise, and who knows how long before Grand River falls prey to cruise mania. Keep it manageable, guys! Some of us still have to drive in this city!
Point four: the snobbery. Good heavens, the snobbery! Look here, people with ‘63 split-window Stingrays and Model Ts and Edsels: if we’re going to close off Woodward so you can relive your glory days and we can all ooh and ahh over your slick rides, you can share the road with the Pintos and the Gremlins and yes, even the ‘78 Grand Torinos. Come to think of it, you can share the road with ANYone who wants to drive it with you. Even an ‘88 Escort wagon.
Don’t whine to me about how ‘old’ doesn’t necessarily mean ‘classic’. ‘Classic’ is about the most useless term you can use in this context, because it’s just about impossible to come up with a meaningful, practical definition. So either suck it up and deal with it, or cancel the Cruise and just show off your Stingray via regular driving, like people have to do in most cities.
For the record, when I lived down by Wayne State, I hated the Dally in the Alley, the Festival of the Arts, and the Thanksgiving Day Parade too, for similar if not identical reasons.
The Dally: Thinly disguised drug fest. At least half the booths sell paraphernalia. One year some tripping twenty-somethings dragged a sofa out into the middle of Second Avenue so they could bask in their high there. Then they left the sofa in the middle of Second. This is midtown Detroit. Stuff like that doesn’t get taken care of. It was still there several days later. Plus, the Dally means lots of loud drunks walking by your house at 1 a.m.
The Festival of the Arts: Not as bad as the Dally, and has some neat stuff, but parking is even worse during the Festival than it is during the Dally. Plus, the morning after the Festival ends you can drive down Woodward and see litter practically coating the sidewalks and grass. It is NOT that hard to find a trash can during the Festival, people. Be considerate - other people actually live and work where you just threw your half-eaten hot dog and squashed-out lemonade cup! Though it could be worse…I used to have a friend who lived in New Orleans, in the French Quarter, back before it became the French Swamp. Apparently it’s the height of chic to pee on someone’s porch during Mardi Gras. My friend’s husband used to hide in the bushes with the garden hose to discourage potential porch-pee-ers…
The parade: Actually the least-worst of the three, probably partly because it’s so temporally contained. They block off the streets the night before, and they’re unblocked by noon. My main gripes are (a) the litter (see comments about the Festival), and (b) the fact that the first year I lived there, I was trapped on foot one side of Woodward while The Big Seester sat waiting for me in her car on the other side of Woodward so we could go to our family Thanksgiving thing. The traffic, the parking…they’re a nuisance, but hey, it’s less than a day. Not that hard to work around, really. But hey, as long as I was griping… 
I’m ambivalent about the cruise. I can tell you that I have no desire to go.
Of course, I have the advantage of rarely having to go that way, and if it’s cruise weekend (especially the day of), I just make it a point to avoid the area like the plague. It helps that I’m by Gratiot and not Woodward.
Now, we DID have a concern a little more than 5 years ago, when Heather was pregnant with Peter (due date: August 8), and the possibility of trying to make it to Royal Oak Beaumont while dealing with cruise traffic. Thankfully, Peter decided he was done early (July 25th), so it was a non-issue.
It does make me wonder what impact something like the cruise has on emergency services, especially someone driving themselves or someone else to the hospital.
There already is a Gratiot cruise, it’s just not as big and obnoxious as the Woodward one. And cruising Gratiot is still popular. On nice summer nights, driving to a friend’s house, it’s like dealing with rush hour traffic.
For six years, I worked for a prominent Detroit radio station whose logo is pasted all up and down Woodward for the Dream Cruise. We helped organize the cruise with the cities and the committee… We did dozens of broadcasts up and down Woodward the week leading up to and the day of the cruise… We worked with other parts of the cities to get their cruises going on Fort St. and Gratiot and Harper and Telegraph…. We did tons of broadcasts from those cruises too. After a couple years, I came to dread summers. Two years ago I actually took a vacation and left the country just to get away from the cruises (the fact that I happened to stumble upon World Youth Day was purely a coincidence ;-). I could tell you horror stories about what it takes to make these things happen.
Needless to say, I’m not fan of the cruises. Usually the first small cruise of the year I enjoy about an hour of looking at the older cars. It is cool to see them. But after that hour, I’m done.
Ah, thanks, Kasia! I feel special now.
My baby brother lives on the other side of the Woodward Loop, so I never see him on Cruise weekend. I’ve been to the Cruise a grand total of once, since friends play at Dugan’s Pub.
BTW my boyfriend reports that Beaumont had pre-Cruise injuries from drivers who lost control during their shenanigans, but the Cruise itself was pretty quiet.