The Clam Rampant

Kasia December 13th, 2007

My mother and I have had a less-than-harmonious relationship in the past. The main reasons our relationship is fairly harmonious today are that (a) we’ve both had a lot of therapy, and (b) she lives two thousand miles away. Oh, don’t misunderstand. I love her dearly. But we are too alike in some ways and too different in others. It’s a recipe for trouble.

Last night she called me, having just gotten back from her holiday cruise, and we chatted a bit. Then I mentioned that The Canuck and I had set the wedding date. She got very excited and started writing it down. Then she realized that she is supposed to be going to France in May of 2009. She isn’t sure of the exact dates; it’s a group tour with her chorus, so she’s going to call the director and find out.

I have to admit, I was pretty taken aback when I heard that. I immediately launched into a mental struggle on how to feel about it. On the one hand, part of me thought I should’ve checked her schedule before setting the date. On the other hand, she’s pretty hard to nail down, I had no idea she was even contemplating a trip to France, and our options at the church were pretty limited (nothing during Lent; nothing during the Easter octave; the next two weekends are blocked off for Confirmation; the next weekend is Mother’s day, with the accompanying high flower prices; and if we go past the 16th we’re looking at Memorial Day and then being practically into June). Part of me said that the Christian response would be to offer to change the date; part of me said that she could darned well arrange to be in town for her youngest daughter’s wedding if it was important enough to her, and if it wasn’t, then tough toenails. You get the idea.  :-p

In fairness, she concluded the conversation by reassuring me that she would be there even if it meant missing the trip to France. But I was left with the residual “AAAUGH!” feeling of a little girl whose mommy isn’t coming to her recital.

So I decided it was time to make a list of things for which I’m grateful. Enough thinking about how my mother didn’t do this or that when I was a child; now I will focus on the positive, on all of the blessings I have in my life:

1. My parents are both still alive, and are likely to live to see the wedding. And the Canuck’s mother is still with us, as is his grandmother. Those are huge blessings.

2. My father, for all his faults, has always demonstrated a self-sacrificial love for me (and at least from my perspective, for my siblings). Despite the fact that he doesn’t believe in God, or in Jesus, he has modeled Christ’s sacrificial love in many ways throughout my life; and it was when I consciously started looking for a man who reminded me of my father’s best qualities that I found the Canuck. I have never been happier with anyone.

3. Despite her faults, my mother has tried her best to remedy her previous shortcomings; and any areas in which she failed, she did not fail out of apathy.

4. Related to that, despite the fact that they’re both flawed (as are we all), I do not have any serious reason to doubt that either of my parents love me, each to the best of their ability.

5. Inasmuch as they fall short (and we all do), I have a Father in Heaven who loves me perfectly; and I have a Blessed Mother who loves me as well.

Thanks be to God.

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