The Clam Rampant

Kasia December 14th, 2007

I have next to no crafting ability. If gifts were left up to me in my natural state, everyone would get an unwrapped gift card and a heartfelt “Merry Christmas!”

However, as I told Monsignor this morning, I know what is expected of me as a woman. I am expected to come up with a thoughtful, heartwarming gift that beams sunshine and lollipops on everyone who beholds it, and to present it in a cute little gift bag or oh-so-creative handpainted mug or some such thing.

So here I am, putting together the little “thank you for doing your job” gift bags that our office is going to give to some key people who, if they chose to do their jobs poorly, would make our lives a living you-know-what. To help with the cuteness factor (and to pad the bottoms of the bags a little bit), I picked up a bag of Spanish moss.

No one has ever told me this. Perhaps they have never told you this either. So I am telling you now:

You might as well throw the stuff into a wood chipper that sprays little moss bits all over your office, because that’s essentially what happens.

Got it? Good.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go find a gift that will appease the woman who cleans my office, because she’ll be vacuuming Spanish moss bits up for months. Somehow, I think her gift had better not include any Spanish moss; cuteness be d***ed.

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