My open letter to David’s - any thoughts?
Kasia May 13th, 2008
May 13, 2008
Robert D. Huth
Chief Executive Officer
David’s Bridal, Inc.
1001 Washington St.
Conshohocken, PA
19428
Dear Mr. Huth:
I am writing to tell you exactly why I did not purchase my wedding gown from David’s Bridal. For the record, it is also why none of my accessories and none of my attendants’ gowns or accessories will come from David’s, and why I will not recommend David’s to any woman I know who is looking for formal or wedding apparel.
Upon my engagement, my sister and stepmother and I went to a local David’s to try on some dresses and get an idea of what I might like. At that point, I was honestly hoping to be able to find my dress and accessories there, as David’s has a reputation for good prices. What’s more, I was impressed by David’s efforts to keep a variety of sizes in stock for trying on, which is very uncommon in bridal salons. I thought David’s was meeting an important need in the bridal market, and was looking forward to the possibility of outfitting my wedding with you.
My fiancé and I are practicing Roman Catholics. As Catholics, we believe that the Lord Jesus is actually present in the Eucharist, which is confected at each Mass and then kept in the tabernacle in the church in between Masses. In short, Catholics believe that any time you walk into a Catholic or Orthodox church and the candle by the tabernacle is burning to signify that the Eucharist is present in the tabernacle, Jesus Christ is present in a unique and particular way. That is why Catholics genuflect inside a church: we are kneeling in reverence before the Lord.
My wedding will take place in a Catholic church, and irrespective of whether it is celebrated simply as the marriage rite or within the context of a Mass (for the record, it will be at a Mass), my apparel and that of my attendants needs to reflect that we are in the presence of our Lord and Savior. I cannot wear your dresses in front of the Lord.
I was dismayed to learn that not only do you not stock any dresses that have shoulders and sleeves (even cap sleeves!), but your only options for modesty concerns are a bolero jacket or a set of hook-on mesh sleeves. The bolero at least offers some coverage; the mesh sleeves are at best the letter and not the spirit of the law. I was further dismayed that the otherwise very helpful and knowledgeable saleswoman who assisted us seemed to have no concept that a strapless dress with mesh sleeves hooked on might not be considered appropriate church attire, even when my sister and I assured her that it would not be acceptable in our church.
It is my opinion that David’s is missing a significant sector of the potential bridal market. Please consider that Catholics are hardly the most rigorous in terms of modesty, both inside and outside the church building. I suspect you are losing out on business from not only moderate to conservative Roman Catholics, but also Eastern Rite Catholics, Orthodox Christians, Orthodox and Conservative Jews, Mormons, Muslims, and conservative Evangelical Protestants (i.e. Baptists and Pentecostals). These groups make up a considerable and growing proportion of the U.S. population, and with the relative dearth of modest bridal apparel on the market, David’s could garner not only a lot of business but also a great deal of good will from these under-served groups.
As it stands, I discovered that my options were few. I could purchase an immodest gown and either have it “built up” to provide adequate coverage or put on a bolero. I found that unacceptable, both from a cost standpoint and a principled standpoint; why should I encourage a market that is not serving me by purchasing from it? I could have a dress made, but patterns were few and far between, as were seamstresses I would entrust with such a job. Finally, and this is what I ultimately did, I could buy a dress online from one of a small variety of retailers (mostly Mormon or catering to Mormons) that specialized in relatively modest bridal dresses. The selection was small, but I eventually found a dress that met my modesty needs and was simple enough to suit my tastes.
As a final note, shoulders and sleeves do not have to be simply a modesty concern, but also a practical one. Consider this: my wedding is scheduled for January 24 in southeastern
Michigan. Neither I nor my bridesmaids should have to shiver in sleeveless or spaghetti-strapped dresses if we have the misfortune of catching a draft. I am enormously disappointed that there are so few three-quarter and long-sleeved dresses on the market. I realize that winter weddings are not as common as spring and summer ones, but I find it difficult to believe that they are as disproportionately uncommon as are long-sleeved dresses.
I hope you will take this letter in the spirit intended. It is too late for David’s to win my business, but I hope you will at least investigate filling the modesty gap in the bridal market.
Sincerely,
(The Clam’s real name)
It’s a good letter. Don’t know how effective these things are, but you never know until you try, and I suspect if enough people write, a difference may actually be made.
I might do without explaining the Eucharist in such detail, but overall it’s a good letter. I’m still amazed that shops don’t carry modest dresses.
Mostly I love the letter. Mostly. I would make 2 changes:
1. If there is some way to expand on the “good will from under-served groups” comment a little, that might drive the point home - when you are in the minority as much as modestyniks are, you get real loyal, real fast. I am verrry loyal when I purchase clothes - especially if the company meets a need I have trouble filling elsewhere. (Case in point: I buy more thing from National than I normally might, because they sell vests, which do an awesome job of covering da boobage.)
2. I have to agree with Julia about the Godspeak - I don’t know if this has been scientifically studied, but statistics show that 84% of people stop absorbing information when the phrase “Lord Jesus” gets uttered. It’s a corollary to the Hitler Law (the first person who mentions Hitler in a debate loses the debate). I would clarify for him what the Eucharist means to Catholics and otherwise keep the religious comments to a minimum. Otherwise he’s likely to dismiss you as a religious nut. (You are a nut, but not because of that!) When you are negotiating with anyone (or in this case, trying to make a point) you try to meet people at a place they are comfortable. Mentioning the amount of business he is conceivably losing does an admirable job of meeting him where he is.
Just my 2 cents.
Jaibee,
You mean I’m NOT the reason The Osbornes got canceled???
Humph!
My very modest, very Catholic friend was able to score a beeeeautiful, modest gown for her upcoming TLM wedding — AT DAVID’S!
I told her, “Don’t bother with David’s. You won’t find anything.”
[Child's voice:] It’s an Ordinary Time miracle!
Ma - you’re KIDDING me, right?!??! Do you know we spent HOURS at David’s, talking to the salesgirls about exactly what I wanted, looking through their racks and their catalogs…
I’m thrilled for your friend, but I think you’re right about it being a miracle…
(And I STILL haven’t found bridesmaid dresses that meet our needs…)
Julia/Big Seester/Jaibee: thanks for the input; I will revise and repost.
You have at least some more time for bridesmaid dresses. Do the bridesmaids have to wear sleeves or could they instead wear like little jackets?
Julia,
I’d prefer actual sleeves, but at this point I’m willing to consider jackets… :-p
TBS and my stepmom and I are going to go to a shop owned by a woman I have a lot of respect for as a seamstress. She may be able to sell us something that can have sleeves added to it. That’s currently set for late next week, but hey, better then than in September… :-p
Well, I don’t know your tastes, but I found my MOH dress at http://www.cocomyles.com.
It was affordable, and I got to choose the top (sleeves! Woo!), the bottom (ballgown), beading, etc.
It was under $200 and I LOVE IT!
I do see a slight problem with having sleeves added, it’s pretty easy to match white with white for a wedding dress but since bridesmaid dresses are pretty much always a color, it would take a lot of time to find fabric that matched. If you go to a regular store like Jo-Ann Fabrics. I think jackets would be look nice though.
Thanks for the tip, Ma!
Julia - you’re absolutely right. The way around that, IF the dress vendor is amenable (the ones who service David’s are not, but others usually are), is to order extra fabric along with the dress. That way it usually even comes from the same dye lot.
Hmm, I never thought about that.
You are making me SO glad I got married nine years ago! While my dress was off-the-shoulder, it was long-sleeved for real. Hook-on sleeves sound incredibly uncomfortable.
I did check out David’s, just to get an idea what I liked.
You know, you might do well to check out the JCPenney catalog for your bridesmaid’s dresses. My sister got married eight years ago and that’s where we got ‘em. I haven’t looked since then, though…
HOLY COW, Ma!!!!!!
That site is AWESOME!!! I wish I’d known about it when I was looking for my dress!!!!!!!!!!!!
TBS, we no longer need to go to Dearborn Heights and look for bridesmaid dresses to be built up…I will still go to Vesna for my alterations, but there’s no way she’s going to be able to hook us up that inexpensively.
Right?
I chose the Georgette fabric because the wedding is in July and the church doesn’t have AC. I got the beading and a long sash - the dress is eggplant with short sleeves and a full ball gown skirt.
I think it will be very nice.
I’m going to get some nice shiny silver heels to go with.
Yeah, the bride looked at that site also - if she didn’t find anything locally, she was definitely going to order from there.
They have a blog and customer comments page. Plus, I googled them - they get fantastic reviews and are apparently VERY willing to help and/or meet your needs.
Glad you like them! I get my dress tomorrow - woo!
beautiful letter, everything included, no need to appoloize for teaching the Catholic Faith!