And we came down the aisle together, I really love that we did. Of course, I couldn’t have had my dad give me away if I’d wanted to, as he didn’t come to the wedding, lol, and it’s more common to come down the aisle together in France anyway.

How exciting!

Our parish wedding coordinator said that they tried doing the couple greeting guests thing, but that it gave rise to too many complications and that they therefore strongly recommend against it. Canuck really liked the idea, but when she told us about the logistical issues that had come up in the past, he agreed not to do it.

Out of curiosity, what is your non-negotiable recessional? (I really wanted Clarke’s Trumpet Voluntary for either the processional or the recessional, but Canuck wasn’t wild about it, so we compromised. :-p)

The most common critique is that it is a throwback to the Anglo-Saxon bride being the chattel of her father, thus the necessity for his consent and “giving” her to the groom (for a price). I’ve also read some resources that claim the tradition goes back to the bride’s father making sure the groom actually MARRIES her, rather than simply abducting her and…well, you know.

More modern justifications for keeping the tradition center around the Biblical concept of the two becoming one: that “she shall leave her father’s house and cleave to her husband, and the two shall become one flesh”. Thus it is the bride leaving her family of origin and joining her husband; and the father giving her away is a sign of his blessing. Which is fine, and a very nice piece of symbolism. I mean, the wedding veil is said to have originated in pagan Rome, so I’m not going to get too hung up on the origins of every custom.

For the benefit of anyone still reading this thread…

The main reason the bishops cite for recommending that the two process in together (with or without their parents) is twofold:

- The bride is very often, nowadays, not leaving her parents’ house as she was in previous generations. She’s usually done so quite a few years before, to go live on her own. So the imagery of her leaving her parents’ home to cleave to her husband usually doesn’t mesh with the reality. It doesn’t mean it can’t be a touching symbol, but it’s an inaccurate reflection of the actual change taking place in her life.

- Going back to the origin of the tradition for a moment, the bride as transferred property (which yes, I understand is not the way most people actually VIEW it now) is not in keeping with the idea behind a Christian marriage. And it’s not just Anglo-Saxon fathers who had autocratic say-so over whom their daughters married; if you look at the early Christians, there are quite a few martyrs like St. Anastasia who were forced by pagan fathers to marry pagan men. In contrast to that, the Christian idea of marriage is supposed to be two consenting adults freely coming together to enter into the Sacrament. (In my understanding, that’s why a marriage can be canonically annulled if one of the parties was, for some reason, not in possession of the full faculties required to enter into the Sacrament, or if there was coercion.)

Now. Does having my dad walk me down the aisle take away from that? It doesn’t have to, no. But the bishops’ point is that having the bride and groom process in together, with or without their parents, is a more accurate symbolic reflection of what is actually taking place. Which is why they recommend it.

I really like the idea of the couple greeting the guests at the door of the church so we’re going to try to do that.

I really only have two non-negotiables regarding the ceremony–I know what music I want for the recessional and the first reading has to be one of the selections from Tobit (there’s some backstory there)
Your idea sounds neat and I may have to copy some of your music selections!

I wish we’d known sooner in our family. My parents’ wedding pictures show my grandfather looking like he’s at a funeral as he walks with my mother. My brother started biting his lip when he walked my niece, too! It’s a miserable time for fond fathers.

The one time I discussed this with my father, he said the in-laws could give away the groom if they wanted, but he’d keep me until the future in-laws coughed up a handsome sum! (I don’t think a stand-off in church is a good way to start a marriage, do you?)

I don’t mind dancing the YMCA, the Chicken Dance or the Hokey-Pokey. But I HATE the “dollar dance” that’s so popular. I can’t decide whether it’s low-grade extortion or sexless prostitution.