In which the Clam discusses her (hopefully diminishing) domestic ineptitude
Kasia July 20th, 2008
You may or may not know this, but I don’t really know how to cook.
I mean, I sort of do. I know how the stove and the oven work (though the microwave is a more commonly used appliance at Chez Kasia). I understand the rudiments of cooking. But if cooking is an art, then I am a philistine.
It’s not entirely my fault. My mother was an ardent feminist who thought cooking, cleaning and housework were drudgery. So teaching her daughters how to keep house was not high on her priority list. And sure - shared housework is a good thing, and most couples I know do share housework to some degree or another. But one still needs to know how to DO it!
My dad did most of the cooking and quite a lot of the cleaning, but he was also supporting us, and was consequently way too busy to teach me much about what he was doing. And I was too busy having tantrums and refusing to clean my room to care. 
(I was a difficult child. I really hope any children Canuck and I have take after him.)
My only memory of doing anything in the kitchen before age 10 or so, apart from loading or unloading the dishwasher, was fluting the edges of pierogi with a fork as my grandmother made them. I don’t doubt that she would have taught me more about cooking as I got older, but unfortunately, she died when I was 8.
When I was 10, my parents divorced. My poor dad was running himself ragged trying to support us and keep us halfway sane. TBS was helping him. But the house was a madhouse and we were all hanging on by the skin of our teeth. At that point, my level of expertise graduated to making my own lunch: a sandwich, a drink box/Capri Sun sort of thing, and some sort of Hostess dessert. (The Hostess was a HUGE deal - my mother NEVER let us have junk food. Come to think of it, the Capri Sun was a big deal too…)
I started doing my own laundry in sixth or seventh grade, because my dad’s rule was that it all had to be downstairs, turned, pockets checked, zipped and snapped, on Saturday morning so he could do all our laundry. A very reasonable rule. But I could never get it together enough to have it done at a reasonable time Saturday morning, so finally I asked someone to teach me to use the washer and dryer.
Around that time, I learned to make pancakes. And at some point in high school, my stepmother taught me to make “monkey bread” (YUM). Along the way, she taught me by way of correction, a fair bit more about housework than I had known before.
But really, I still hadn’t learned to cook. And when I was 23, I flew off to England for a semester. No dormitory cafeteria - a common kitchen. I was going to live off my own cooking for six months.
TBS, being possessed of great foresight, anticipated the problem and started teaching me to cook some basic things: hard-boiled eggs, rice, banana bread, Greek chicken. After my arrival in Britain, a couple of Czech housemates of mine taught me some additional lessons. Like Czech pancakes (which are basically crepes), and that outside of the U.S. and Canada, throwing away food is simply not done. (Quite a culture shock!)
I made it through that experience with a little bit of TBS-taught cookery, a little bit of Czech help, and probably more prepared foods than I ought to have eaten (I was especially fond of a garlic-butter baguette that Tesco sold). Oh - and with some care packages from home, including my dearly-beloved grape jelly (which I couldn’t find anywhere over there) and some boxes of Velveeta shells and cheese. You should’ve seen the one Czech girl’s face when she saw me making it…but I convinced her to try it and she marveled at how good it was…
All this to say: my domestic skills were, and to a great extent still are sorely lacking. (I scrubbed my first floor, with the help and instruction of TBS, at age 25.) I’ve improved, it must be said, thanks to FlyLady, Saving Dinner, TBS, the Canuck, my parents (even my mother, who for my 30th birthday gave me a copy of Cooking Basics for Dummies with the phrase “Girls Whose Mothers Neglected Them” P-Touched over the word “dummies”), and countless friends. But I’ve got a looong way to go before I’m up to my age standard.
So you can see why I’m excited that I had a little domestic breakthrough today.
Inspired by Jennie C., I decided that I was not going to make my this-week’s grocery run be another hot-dog-and-frozen-dinner-fest. No - I picked out three recipes and made a list based on them. The first recipe was from Saving Dinner. The second recipe was from a cookbook TBS gave me as an early wedding gift, called Quick, Thrifty Cooking. The third recipe was Jennie’s sausage & pepper sandwich recipe. And I figured out a few other things I needed, like milk and bread.
Well. I went to Kroger. And do you know, not only did I follow my list (though I did pick up a couple of things that weren’t on it because they were on sale and I wanted to stock up), and watch sales, but I mentally shifted gears several times, initially scratching off one recipe because I thought it wasn’t going to be affordable, but then going back, recalculating, and deciding to do it after all.
It was possibly the most enjoyable grocery shopping trip I’ve ever done. And not a hot dog or frozen dinner in the cart. (Not even a frozen lasagna!)
THEN, after I got home and unloaded everything, I debated whether I ought to heat up my last remaining frozen dinner - after all, it was 80 degrees out, my air conditioning doesn’t work, and I live on the second floor - or whether I should suck it up and COOK.
I cooked.
I used the stove. I used the oven. I used three pans and a casserole dish, baby! AND IT TASTED GOOOOOOOOD!!!
(I even washed a load of dishes after. I had to take a shower when all was said and done because it was so stinkin’ hot, BUT I DID IT!!!)
And now, the challenge becomes doing it again tomorrow. Or the next day, if my leftovers carry me through… 
Did you enjoy it?
I know that I love it– I have no skill for drawing, nor clay-molding, nor word craft… but I can cook something that makes people smile, fills them and keeps them going.
I love it. If you’re brave enough to eat the mistakes, too, you can learn to be *better*– and by not knowing much about how things “should” be done, you might find some good things nobody else has found.
Kasia - head over to Brookside Bistro (on my blogroll) and try a few of mine. Easy, I promise* (start with the chicken & black bean burritos), and proven family and friend favorites.
I knew very little of the domestic arts when I married at 25, so the Betty Crocker basic cookbook was a lifesaver - put it on your registry!!!
You can do it!
Kit *(of the Scratch & Dent street cred)
Foxfier - actually, yes I did enjoy it! I enjoyed several things about it.
First, although I was definitely fumbling at a couple of points (even though it was an amazingly easy recipe, but that’s what happens when you’re inexperienced, reading fast, and working in a cluttered kitchen), I liked that I could see myself learning as I went along. Simple things, like…well, oops - I misread and should’ve cooked the pasta before the spinach. Oh, so THAT’S why people say that frying onions smell like home cooking! Hmm, I probably could have done this better by doing X…
Second, I somehow (weirdly) felt a sort of kinship with all the other women who’ve cooked and nurtured through cooking. I found myself thinking about mothers I’ve known (probably in part because the cookbook I was using was printed when I was very young), and it made me feel GOOD. (Hot, but good.) Does that make any sense? I know it’s weird…
Kit - Thanks! Mmm, those look yummy! So does the chicken-spinach-rice salad, actually - how hard is that?
I think Betty might already be on the registry, but I’ll double check!
Canuck asked that we register for cookbooks by a couple of his fave TV chefs (Anthony Bourdain, Gordon Ramsay, and prolly Alton Brown) and also a Julia Child one, and I said sure, but I am pretty sure I asked for Betty to be included as well. I will double check.
And I have to tell you: Wiley can eat my cookbooks any time he wants to - he is TOO CUTE!!!!
When Heather and I got married, she could burn water. She was essentially afraid of the kitchen. After much support and encouragement, she finally became more comfortable with cooking. Now she makes most of our meals from scratch.
One Sunday before we were married, she wanted to make me some eggs. So, after Mass, I went with her to her parents’ house and she made me eggs. She didn’t like the taste of eggs, so she flavored it up with all sorts of things. I ate every last bite, with her hovering around. It wasn’t until we had been married a year that I told her the eggs were terrible, and I had forced myself to eat them.
Just like learning any other new skill, you’ll get better over time.
Wow, Matt - that’s love!!!
Thanks for the encouragement - between Heather and Kit, I’m incredibly relieved to know that I’m not the only woman who reached the cusp of marriage without knowing how to cook.
Book to read: P.J. O’Rourke’s “The Bachelor Home Companion”. It fills in all the stuff that we missed out on because our generational predecessors were, uh, too busy for.
Kasia - the chicken-spinach-rice salad is EASY (they all are!). The key is to give yourself enough time to cook everything and let it cool down thoroughly. Start it after lunch, throw it all together (the chopping of stuff is the most time-consuming part), and chuck it in your fridge - it will be ready in plenty of time for dinner. Use the Uncle Ben’s Long Grain & Wild boxed rice. Easy and lots of seasoning already done for you. Let me know how it goes!
As for the tv chef books - go slow and check them out in advance. Depending on your favorite chef, these recipes can be complex in both ingredients and process, and maybe a little too “foodie”-oriented for you as you start out - could be courting disaster and unwarranted self-disappointment until you get your feet under you. Start with the basics in those books and then work your way up to the “salmon en croute with goose-liver pate in a pastry purse and pea souffle in ginger aspic.” (Not making that up!)
Tell the Canuck’s friends to get him “A Man, A Can, A Plan” - total guy cooking thing, and quite amusing.
Two words: Slow Cooker! Get yourself one for this winter. I live alone, but with my school and work schedule I don’t have time to really make a meal. I’ll do most of the prep work one evening and then put the slow cooker on while I’m at work the next day. When I get home I have a delicious meal and I always make enough so I can eat leftovers for a few days.
I’m sure my family (extended, not immediate) fear for Adam and the kids because I have very carefully cultivated the reputation of being “non-domestic.” I actually can and do cook, but I’ve made Adam promise not to tell so I don’t have to bring a dish to the family holidays. I’m happy being the one assigned to bring plates or soda!
My mom was the 9th of 10 kids and her older sisters did all the cooking so she never learned. My dad was the oldest of three boys so his mom made all the boys learn how to cook. As a result, I learned to cook and sew from my dad
Oh, Sara - I LOVE my slow cooker!!! It’s the only reason I’ve eaten a self-made home-cooked meal in the two years I’ve lived here…
Mine is a smaller one - probably three quarts - so Canuck and I registered for a six-quart one for the wedding.
There is absolutely nothing better than coming home and smelling dinner cooking…and if you live alone, the slow cooker is the way to do it.
I am always the one to bring soda, plates, or chips to something…that, or something store-bought. I’m actually ok with it, except it gets sort of daunting to be in the kitchen at a family holiday and be the one that no one trusts to do anything other than set the table…
Thanks again!!!
Kit - I’m not a big fan of the celebrity chef cookbooks, but Canuck wants them for himself. I think “aspic” sounds like it should be poisonous, and the closest I ever want to get to goose liver is removing the bag with the organs if I ever happen to cook a goose…
Never fear - I am quite sure he’ll be the one primarily using those. Though he did look over them before registering, and he said the Gordon Ramsay one looks like it’s mainly relatively quick meals (half hour prep rather than three hour prep). The Bourdain one is probably more complicated, but Canuck said that it’s based on Provencal cooking, which he tells me is the meat and potatoes of French cuisine. So hopefully there will be a minimum of hyper-foodie weird stuff…
And he readily endorsed my registering us for the ATK cookbook you recommended.
Kasia, I suggest you register for one of my favorites: Better Homes & Gardens Anyone Can Cook.
My parents bought me an old (1965) Better Homes & Gardens cookbook when I moved into my first apartment with my friend Michele. I loved it and still use it a lot, but I had no idea what some of the cooking terms meant. I wish I’d had “Anyone Can Cook” when I first started, because it has all the recipes marked by skill level and illustrated with photos of the preparation. And at the bottom of the recipes is a graph box labelled “Ask Mom” that gives page numbers for related questions you might have.
I still am learning things, such as why my pan-fried fish always fall apart (because I’m only supposed to turn them ONCE).
I’ll do you one better, Jean - I’m going to buy it come payday.
Thanks for the recommendation!
Cooking is fun! Except when it’s hot outside. You should see my collection of cookbooks, must be where my daughter the chef/food-stylist got her ideas from.
Monkey bread? I would like the recipie!
The only part I don’t like about cooking is the cleaning up.
Once you get the basics down (like how not to burn water and reading the recipe first to do everything in the right order), the hardest thing about cooking (I think) is getting all the dishes on the table at once. Not such a big deal in the summer when side dishes might be potato salad or marinated cucumber slices, but in the winter you might want two or three or four hot dishes all on the table at once. That requires experience in multi-tasking. Go slowly, build up by just adding one thing at a time (steamed carrots with butter, lemon juice and dill - yum) and do not tackle something like Thanksgiving dinner for a few years without help.
Personally, I had the opposite problem when I got married. I was so happy to have a husband to cook for, that we both gained about 30 pounds that first year of marriage!
Tara - no problem, it’s easy! (It must be, if I remember how to do it more than a decade after the last time…) The only thing that might be tricky is finding the right pan - she had a special one she’d bought at a craft show.
Take two skinned monkeys…
No, seriously, take one of those pop-canisters of biscuit dough, pop ‘em out, and cut each round in half. Roll the half-rounds into balls. Dip the balls in melted butter, then shake them in cinnamon sugar (and do NOT let me hear you say you buy cinnamon sugar at the grocery store - if I can make it at home, so can anyone!). Then set the balls gently on top of one another in a small bundt or tube type pan and bake.
Regrettably, I do not recall the oven heat or time, but you could probably adapt that from the package and it would probably also depend on the pan you use. My stepmom had a cute little stoneware thing that probably wasn’t much more than six inches in diameter and less than six in height…
Michelle - that is one of the things that scares me - how did you know?
With your butter, lemon juice and dill carrots - do you add the toppings after steaming, or do you steam them with? And what proportion of butter to lemon juice? I’ve heard a 2:1 fat to tart ratio - is that what you use?
Kasia - I added a few more starter selections to your cookbook list over at the bistro site - next, we shall move on to basic equipment! (This is the time to get all your kitchen stuff - I am regularly using wedding gifts to this day, 15 yrs later!)
Steam first, add toppings later.
How much?
Um, say two generous servings of carrots (I use baby carrots)…try 2 TBS butter and maybe 2 tsp of lemon juice and then perhaps 1 tsp of dill. I don’t measure, so try that and then adjust next time. You can’t go wrong (well, a tablespoon of dill would probably be icky).
Bravo!
Oh Katie….I was giggling all through this post. I am not much of a domestic goddess either, although every year I do seem to get better at it. Definitely will never make it to Martha Stewart level- don’t think I ever do really. Too many other fun things to do. Anyway, we ave a saying at our home…(when I cook) during the week we eat to survive, (when my husband cooks) and on the weekends we feast!