I am on the verge of doing something drastic
Kasia October 26th, 2008
I am seriously considering cancelling all remaining work on my current wedding dress and super-rush-cut-ordering a new dress.
Right now I feel like my wedding is not my own. It does not matter in the least that the people who have been advising me thus far have had the very best intentions; the end result is that I am furious, I feel like I have been hijacked, and I am very concerned that if I do NOT do something drastic, that I will be angry and resentful every time I look at my wedding pictures.
I have been trying to talk myself out of feeling this way for a couple of months now, and it’s pretty apparent that it’s not working. So the only options I am seeing at this point are: elope; scrap everything with respect to my appearance and begin again; or suck it up and be miserable. I’m not going to elope, and I see no reason why I should be miserable on or about my wedding. Every concession I’ve made thus far has been for the sake of making someone advising me happy (or shut them up), and like any policy of appeasement, has had predictable results. That leaves one option.
If anyone here can offer a compelling non-financial reason why I should not do this, or sees another option beyond the three I’ve listed, please speak up now.
Two things last forever from your wedding day. The marriage and the photos. If you hate your dress you will hate your photos. You will not be comfortable and this is going to translate into everything that happens that day.
Get.A.New.Dress
Get a new dress if it will make you happy, and if it won’t add any more stress to your life.
May I suggest, and please don’t allow me to get you riled up, that perhaps in 10 years what really bothers you now and what really seems like a big deal, is really minor? I’m just thinking back on all the stressors that I had (and I had plenty), and how silly they all seem now. Really, really try to picture yourself in a decade with a few babies and a loving husband and a good life, and try to consider how important your current problems will be then.
Ditto what Angie said.
This is one day where it is absolutely okay to say it’s ALL ABOUT YOU (and the Canuck, who will want you to do what will make you happy, I’m sure). And believe me, from the day you become part of a couple, and then a mom…well, there aren’t going to be any more days like it – equally beautiful celebrations will be forthcoming, but your wedding day is once in a lifetime event. Make it a beautiful and memorable day in whatever way you can – from dress to dance moves.
Follow your instincts and don’t worry about what others think if you know you’re right and that making the change is the right thing to do.
You are far wiser than I was as a bride re: “appeasement” – I was so worried about making everyone else happy (including some nasty female in-laws who were determined to be miserable – and were), I missed out on enjoying the biggest day of my life. Family and friends still rave about how beautiful and fun the wedding was, and I hope they’re right. Despite my best efforts and intentions to the contrary, I was NOT exactly happy on my own wedding day. I was thrilled to be hitched to my Beloved, but I was too busy listening to complaints about the Mass, the bridesmaid’s hair and shoes, the food, etc., and wondering why it had to rain on my outdoor reception and wash the roads out so half the military honor guard didn’t make it to the church!
We still joke that we should’ve taken the ten grand and gone to Vegas!
Do what is right for God, you and Joe — it’s your covenant. Others are invited to participate at your discretion.
As in any case, base your decisions on love.
If your vendors are giving you a hard time, you are allowed to go a little bridezilla on them. Just tell them, “It’s MY wedding and MY vision and YOU are here to help me fit my dream into my budget. If you can’t get on board with that, I’ll help you rip up your contract and we’ll go our separate ways.”
If you don’t like your dress, go find another one – it’s the most important thing you’ll ever wear, so you pretty much CAN’T compromise.
Good luck!!
I’m with everyone else. And I’ll admit, I’m going to try to be funny. I’m coming from the perspective of nine years ago, though. I had my own Bridezilla moments where I anguished over satin versus leather shoes for myself, and my dress was floor-length. Like anyone would see my shoes! (I went with leather–it stretches where satin doesn’t and will pinch by the end of the day.)
Angie is right–three days after your wedding, what you have is the marriage and the photos. If you hate your dress, you’ll hate the photos. But do you know how often you have to look at them? Umm… never. How often do you have to look at your husband? More important.
Your music could be a banjo/kazoo duet and you’d still be married.
Your bridesmaids could wear a conglomeration of clown outfits, string bikinis, and leftovers from Michael Jackson’s Thriller video and you’d still be married.
Your flowers could be a mix of dandelions, poison ivy, and the plant from Little Shop of Horrors and you’d still be married.
Your food could be served still frozen or, for the salads, cooked to a crisp and, as long as nobody gets botulism, it will be flushed away within three days. And you’d still be married.
Your entertainment could play nothing but polkas, the Hustle, and the Macarena and you’d still be married.
Your photographer could decide to follow his inner muse and take all of your pictures in black-and-white and out-of-focus, and you’d still be married.
What’s the important thing? Are you laughing yet? Go hug your husband-to-be, take a deep breath, and… Go get a new dress.
ALWAYS DO IT YOUR WAY!!!! Pardon my French but TO HECK WITH EVERYONE ELSE!!! I know it seems like the whole world now, but it is only one day so do it your way. We have been married 10 years, 4 kids, 3 disabilities later, and never look at our photos. But you should still like to even if you don’t have the time like us.
I love my pics cause they and the wedding were done my way. I know you have a hard time with wanting to please everyone, but are you marrying them? Nope! It is only about you and Joe. So do what you want and can afford. When it all boils down the only thing that matters is that your marrying your soul mate. I love you and want you to be all teary with joy on your wedding day, and not stress!!!!! You can be selfish with this it is not a sin. 
Smile and bless the people causing you stress and then get on with the changes. And if I can do anything YOUR WAY, just give me a call. 
Lots of love,
Julie
Now, THAT was a stamp of your little, Clammy foot!
Oh, my dear friend…
I repeat what I have said from the beginning — DO WHAT YOU WANT TO DO AND DON’T LET ANYONE PERSUADE YOU OTHERWISE!
And furthermore, I echo the sentiments of and the supportive words of all of the wise women who have commented on this post thus far.
My hubby and I were very happy with most of our wedding and especially pleased that we did it the way we wanted and didn’t cave in to all the pressure we were getting to “rent a hall.”
Though, I will say that my dress has always been a bit of a disappointment. When I look at the pictures I always wish that it was a little more of what I had really wanted. I even found one that was perfect after I had already purchased my dress and then didn’t get it because I was talked out of it.
I have always wanted to support you doing it YOUR WAY and I hate seeing you so frustrated and angry. And I don’t like it one bit that you have made decisions based on making other people happy(insert a stamp of my own foot here).
In the end, I agree with Heather. You will still be married to your beloved Canuck and that is what really matters. But we all know that he wants you to be happy and contented most of all. So bottomline: Go get that new dress.
If you need anything at all, please let me know! I’m here for you!
Kasia…make it your day, YOUR way. You may never look at the photos (but then again you might look at them every day), or listen to the dj again, but it’s going to be the biggest day of your life until you have kiddies for all of us to spoil!!! Make it how you want it. You can’t make everyone happy. You will completely stress yourself out trying to. If you feel like it’s going to bother you 5 years down the road, change it. Make it right. You only have to worry about you and your honey.
You know where to find me!
Love ya!
Stacy
I can’t top what everyone else has said, honey, but I’ll repeat what I said last night.
I love you very much. I want to marry you. I want you to be happy. I want to make you happy. While, at the end of the day, I don’t care what you’re wearing when we get married (much like I’m sure you don’t care what I’ll be wearing), if you’re going to be miserable wearing the dress that’s already been purchased, then we’ll get you a new dress that you’re happy with. Let me repeat that last bit: a dress that YOU’RE HAPPY WITH. Don’t listen to anyone else’s advice about what to wear (except those people who say wear what makes you happy). Remember, the day is about you and me and God. It’s not about anyone else.
Try to remember what you kept telling me when I was so nervous before my interview last week: t’s going to be ok, love. I know it doesn’t feel that way now, but it is.
Awwww!!! What a guy!!!
What a guy, indeed! We take off our hats to you, gentleman-Canuck.
I so admire the way you treasure our dear and beloved Clam…and I admire the way you both love, respect and take care of each other.
Just love you guys!!!
Awwww….my tuque is off to the Canuck, eh?*
Got me a little verklempt, actually. Sounds like you’ve got all the support in the world, my dear – go for it, and be happy!!!
K
*Kitspeak for WELL SAID, YOU SWEET MAN!
Stacy, Jill, & Kit:
As I’ve often told The Clam, I’m just treating her the way she deserves to be treated