The Lingerie Post – for June, and for all women whom Victoria’s Secret hates
Kasia February 4th, 2009
I know what Victoria’s Secret is. It’s that she hates peasant women.
Men, I am warning you now: this is NOT going to be a sexy post. This is an embittered, chubby woman complaining about lingerie shopping. It will not, repeat, will NOT involve any pictures of anything you’d want to see, and will in fact probably gross you out exceedingly. Men: continue reading at your own risk. I do not want to hear groans and moans from traumatized men who never wanted to think about the things I am going to talk about. You read on, it’s your own darned fault.
Now that that’s out of the way…
Back around Christmas, I was spectacularly fortunate enough to win a VS gift card from one of my favorite bloggers, June Cleaver After a Six-Pack. Wheee!!! I think Canuck was even more excited than I was, because of course, free lingerie to supplement the honeymoon trousseau could only be a good thing. Right?
I tried hitting a VS for one of their big post-Christmas sales, but I just do not love great deals on lingerie enough to put up with how busy they are during those. I’m thrifty, but I’d sooner go without than have to continually fight to even get into a fitting room (much less keep it once I’ve tried on my first batch of stuff).
Well, I went back about a week before the wedding. Now, understand that I have long had this bizarre inability to find a bra that fits correctly. Apparently (as I learned when I bought my wedding dress foundation garment), that’s because I had been deluding myself about cup size, and not in the way you’d think: I’m actually bigger than I thought I was. Which gave rise to an initial “WAHOO!” before I hit the sobering realization that that meant I needed to buy new bras. And I promptly pushed that thought out of the way, because who wants to deal with that at Thanksgiving and Christmas and when they’re planning a wedding? Name me a woman who likes bra shopping – I’ll tell you right now that she’s weird, or easy to fit, or both.
Anyway, so it’s a week before the wedding and I go to the mall. I start with VS because hey, I have a gift card, right? And because I’m shopping for a honeymoon trousseau, I decide to start by looking at negligées and teddies and slips (rather than, say, bras).
But no.
VS does not have an “XL” size in their lingerie.
“L” is as high as they go.
The same is true of all their underpants. I did see one sort of waffle-knit nightshirt in XL, but it did not exactly scream “honeymoon”.
I ask you, what kind of lingerie shop thinks that any woman above a size 14 should not have lingerie? (Yes, I know. Their kind. Whatever that is. I’m guessing ’sadistic’.) Do they think that married women don’t get down if they pass that magic “L” mark, or do they just think we shouldn’t? (Let’s save the question of whether unmarried women of any size should for another day.)
Now, understand that depending on the garment, I am generally between an XL and a 1X. Kasia got back, OK? And even when I was extremely slim, I was still a size 12 because of my big peasant frame. At my high school slimmest, I was 35-28-36.
Yes. I am a big Polish peasant girl. I am not ashamed of this. And one nice thing about it is that people seem genuinely shocked when they find out how much I weigh, because the bigger frame conceals the extra pounds better. BUT, if you come right down to it (as only trying to wiggle into a VS “Large” when you’re really an XL/1X can make you do), the poundage is there, and it shows.
I ended up with one clearance slip from VS that, while really too small for me to wear now, was cheap enough (about $15) and came close enough to fitting right that I was willing to gamble on fitting it down the road. Everything else was disastrous. One two-piece outfit was promising when I tried on the top, but the bottom stopped moving up around two-thirds of the way up my thighs. (June, I swear I had my own undies on already, I just needed to know if the bottom piece would actually make it around my bum. And a good thing I tried, too, because it didn’t.)
So I bought a bra.
A “D”. Holy crap. I never, ever, in a million years would have thought I’d fill a “D”. But that’s what they put me in, that’s what the fitter who sold me my foundation garment put me in, and that’s what I ended up buying at the Bali outlet store on the honeymoon. I’m still in shock.
It’s a very pretty bra – pink and white striped - and it pushes me up and makes me look like a very chubby supermodel. Or as close to supermodel as a chubby girl can get. And I am so profoundly grateful to June for having sent me the card; because frankly, if I hadn’t gone to VS that day, I don’t think I would’ve had the audacity to even look at the “D” bras when I went to the Bali outlet store, much less have picked the exact right size on the first try (the saleswoman was impressed).
June, thanks to you, my girls are riding at the appropriate level and are no longer crammed into an overpriced, undersupporting mastectomy bra. Thank you!!! (And the Canuck thanks you too, over and over and over again.)
And I trust that you’ll take this in the spirit intended when I say that VS only loves women like you, not women like me. They don’t even want our money, so the rest of my honeymoon trousseau came from Macy’s, which apparently loves women up to about a 2X, and even likes them a little bit up to a 3X.
June rocks!!!!!!!!
You know what—
Bra shopping is extremely difficult. I went bra shopping a few months ago and was surprised by just how difficult it was. It took me a few trips and a few dozen bras to discover that I, like you, need to wear a D cup.
Congratulations on your wedding and engagement. If you need more bridal fashion resources I have an entire category for that on my site.
~Rebecca
http://modestia.stblogs.com
Thanks, Rebecca! I wish I’d known about your site before the wedding, but at least now I can pass it along to other brides…
What a great post! More than half of women in America are too large to shop at VS. They cater to the sexual image of small women with enormous breasts. Their bras are push-up, water-filled, foam-filled–absurd! I join you in the women who are not able or even want to shop at vs–they are too expensive! And we can have quite a bit of fun–without any lingerie at all! Much funner that way!
I want to know why my D-cup bras STILL come with push-up air-packs and a half inch of padding. I mean, seriously, D is not enough? Do they really think I need help? I would hate to have to send a search team in after my husband…. And that’s becoming a modern-day concern…. Beware Canuck….
L…O…L!!!! I love the way you write!!! “June, thanks to you, my girls are riding at the appropriate level and are no longer crammed into an overpriced, undersupporting mastectomy bra. Thank you!!! (And the Canuck thanks you too, over and over and over again.)” heheheheeee I don’t care much for VS either actually…none of their stuff fits me. I’d much rather go to Target and get my bras…
Jaibee: Of all the ways of getting oneself lost, losing my way in my wife’s cleavage ranks pretty highly
Jaibee, I found the BEST bras at the Bali-Hanes outlet store. If you go up to Birch Run at all, seriously, try them out. I think they were called “Passion for Comfort” or some such thing. They do have an underwire, but it’s a very comfortable one, and the cups are very soft and un-padded.
Stacy, that surprises me (that none of VS’ stuff fits you). Not that I’ve spent a lot of time examining your figure (I figure that’s Cletus’ job), but I would’ve guessed you were exactly VS’ target demographic. Live and learn…
(And yes, I was in mastectomy bras before, because – get this – the first SPECIALTY SHOP I went to couldn’t figure out why I was so hard to fit. The woman must not have had a lot of experience, because when I went to the other specialty store to get my foundation garment, the woman told me outright that I was fooling myself about my cup size. But then, now that I think about it, I went to two different specialty stores that took my word for it…I will never recommend either of them to anyone, ’cause the first one put me into a mastectomy bra and the second one put me into a 40B. I couldn’t figure out why I still looked like I was about to pop out…)
Hey there! Just as a tip. There is a store in Birmingham, Harp’s Lingerie, that have beautiful bras! I shop there when I have extra dough, because like you I am not a small cup size, but their bras are totally worth it! I know they also have some lingerie, just not sure on the sizes! Love the post! I have complained about them for years! (It was only until I lost some weight that they even had a bra in my size!)
Ooo, thanks, Krystin!
The REALLY funny thing about all of the confusion about my cup size, now that I think about it, was that I was an A or a “barely-B” until I put on weight. When I was in high school, my mom took me bra shopping at Sears and they DID. NOT. CARRY. A-CUP BRAS.
I was TICKED!!!!
There’s just no room for me anywhere!
I guess it’s more of an ‘I don’t like the way they fit me’ thing…they’re all stinkin uncomfortable. Then again, I haven’t really set foot in a VS to shop for myself in YEARS.
I haven’t been able to buy a bra at VS since I was in high school. It doesn’t matter how much weight I gain or lose, the girls tend to stay the same.
For those who don’t know, cup size is related to band size. If you get a different band size (40, 44, etc) the cup size you need will also be different.
As a fellow D student, I feel your pain. Comfort wise, I’m a huge fan of the Playtex 18 hour bras.
Well well well… you are a “D” Does the hubby (it is sooooo nice that we can finally refer to him as “the hubby”) consider that your mating call?
By he way, VS does have many yummy smelling lotions and gels… yet another mating call for the newly married man.
But I am glad-nay, THRILLED that you finally set your girls free and they can enjoy the life that God intended them to have… securely supported in a pretty shade of pink.
Congratulations on the wedding! Now get back to doing what newlyweds do best… and often… and even when they are tired and have to get up for work in 3 hours.
Crazy kids.
Heh….
I’ve never gone to VS for nightwear, but I did go for bras…..Same story as you, found out I’m a D…. Only thing is, they had NOTHING in D that wasn’t fugly…..
There’s also a Bali-Hanes outlet store on I-94, Range Road exit a few miles before the Port Huron exits.
I, too, wear a D-cup. VS stopped carrying the larger sizes in the ’90s. Before that, I was a 34C and could find things on occasion. If you go to their on-line catalog, you can find the larger sizes, but why bother?