The Clam Rampant

Kasia August 5th, 2008

Kit tagged me for the Ten Things I’d Like to See in Action meme. How could I argue? – the poor woman has a family wedding and then a visit to her mother in the same week. Anything to distract her…

So. Ten things I’d like to see in action. This has been a challenging one…not just to come up with ten things, but only ten things, ten things that no one else has mentioned, and also to hopefully not have to confess anything on the list when I’m next celebrating the Sacrament of Reconciliation. I’m not sure I did so well on the last part…

1) Paris Hilton as a deckhand on The Deadliest Catch. Preferably with her inheritance being contingent on a favorable review from the captain and the rest of the crew. And automatic failure if anyone gets washed overboard as a result of her incompetence. Even if she’s the one who gets washed overboard.

2) A reality show wherein our elected leaders (bare minimum: House, Senate, and President, though state and local leaders and the SCOTUS members would be a welcome addition) have to survive for three months on the average U.S. salary and in an average-sized U.S. home. No credit cards, no HELOC. TBS got mad at me because that was originally her idea. Nothing in the meme says it has to be my original idea. But in the spirit of fair play, and since I didn’t think to give her credit, I change this to: “How fast Congress would jump to fix Social Security if they and their loved ones had to live on it.”

3) Stephen Harper and Barack Obama cage-fighting. Yes, I’m being facetious. But it would be interesting to watch their techniques and see who ultimately won…Tell you what: I’d settle for watching them debate each other on the merits of Canada’s social welfare system. Hint: in this case, the Canadian is going to be less enamored of it than the American.

4) Sara and her beloved actually going through with that Inquisition-themed wedding reception.

5) Kit’s middle child doing one of her Fatima impressions. (Too cute!)

6) Fr. Erik’s skate-punk trap. (Schadenfreude…)

7) Mahmoud Ahmadinejad’s face when Christ returns in glory. Ideally with a slo-mo freeze-frame option.

It isn’t so much that I want him to go to Hell or anything – I pretty much have to hope that everyone will be saved. I just want to see him realize that the Jews are still “the apple of God’s eye” (as Casper ten Boom so aptly put it). Oh, and it would be nice if God granted him a vision that confirmed that yes, the Holocaust actually happened. And that it was wrong. [wry smile]

8 ) Mac’s infamous worst-hair day. I just am having trouble wrapping my brain around how awful it must truly have been.

9) Jesus saying to me “Well done, thou good and faithful servant…” (As opposed to “Begone from me, you wicked servant,” of course.) Hey, there had to be something serious in this list!

10) A Catholic bloggers’ convention. Bring your dog(s). Lots of liquor, ice cream, Land Shark lagers, chocolate, salt licks, and brown sugar bacon snacks. Mmm. Kit can come up with the menu, provided Wiley doesn’t eat it first. We can make commemorative rosaries with the Exterminatrix of Heresies as the centerpiece…

Let’s see…who hasn’t done this? I tag TBS, Canuck, Foxfier, and Heather Siekierski. And anyone else who wants to play.

• Friends and fellow bloggers , Jokes , Memes , Politics , Silliness
• Comments(7)

admin February 20th, 2007

My favorite light bulb joke ever…

This was copy/pasted from the Chestnut Hill Monthly Meeting’s web site (they’re a Quaker meeting in Philadelphia). Apparently credit is best to be given to the Californian Quaker cited at the bottom. In any event, it’s flippin’ brilliant.

How many Quakers does it take to change a lightbulb?

That depends. If the lightbulb is in the meetinghouse, then it takes the whole meeting, and 3-9 months.

First, property committee has to notify clerk that a lightbulb is burned out. It will then be put on the agenda for the next monthly meeting for business. When it comes up on the agenda, clerk will ask how Friends respond to the notice from property committee. Then, clerk of property committee will be asked for that committee’s recommendation regarding the burned out bulb, and we will learn that property committee was merely notifying meeting of the state of the bulb, and it did not reach the point of trying to make a recommendation. The matter will then be referred back to property committee to come up with a recommendation regarding the bulb, and the matter will be put on the agenda for the next monthly meeting for business, four weeks later.

At the next monthly meeting, property committee will report that it needs more time to make a recommendation because it has asked for consultation from other committees, and it has not yet received reports from these other committees. The Peace and Social Order committee is reporting back regarding the relationship between the utility company and the armaments industry and the Pentagon, and looking for a manufacturer of lightbulbs that does not have such ties. Unity With Nature Committee is reporting in the effects of the use of electricity on the environment, and whether the old light bulb is biodegradable, and, if not, is there any way to get rid of it that comports with our commitment to the environment. The Committee on Right Sharing of the World’s Resources has reported back that any additional use of lightbulbs by meeting flies in the face of our testimony of simplicity, and recommends that the burned out bulb be left in place as a reminder of all who must live without the benefit of electrical power. The matter is then put over to the next meeting for business.

At the next meeting for business, all committees report and there is no unity on a recommendation to change or not to change the lightbulb. Clerk schedules a threshing to take place in the interim before the next meeting for business, at which time it will be on the agenda again.

At the next meeting for business, Clerk discerns a sense of the meeting among Friends and attenders that meeting should do the following:

1. Remove the burned out bulb from the socket, but not disposed of. It shall be kept on the mantle above the fireplace.

2. A new bulb, provided one need not be purchased, shall be placed into the socket, but not screwed in all the way so as not to use additional current. The decision as to when to screw the bulb in all the way is referred back to property committee which will makes its recommendation, after input from all the other committees previously involved, at a future meeting for business.

3. If a new lightbulb needs to be purchased, the matter will be referred to the finance committee to review and make a recommendation.

After a period of silence, an old, well respected Quaker scholar and weighty Friend rises to quote from George Fox, stating that, “It is not in thy power to change it. Thy task is to bring it to Christ and leave it there.” In view of this, weighty Friend must stand in the way. After another, even longer period of silence, another Friend rises to make the point that our willingness to proceed requires respect for Fox’s writings, but must be tempered by the light received by meeting today. More silence. Clerk discerns that there is no sense of the meeting to proceed at this time, and offers to lay the matter over for the next meeting for business. Weighty Friend suggests that since so many of us did not grow up as Quakers, we might schedule an adult education series on the writings of George Fox on the inward Light, thereby preparing meeting for its future possible consideration of when the new light bulb should be screwed into the socket. There is clearly strong unity on the Fox series, and Clerk receives volunteers to arrange and schedule it. Weighty Friend then agrees to stand aside. Meeting Clerk then reads back the three points on which there had been unity, and asks for a period of silence. The matter is minuted. Then another Friend suggests that the matter be put over until the next monthly meeting since it is our custom to put over all action items for a month for seasoning. Friends agree, and the matter is put over to be reconsidered after seasoning.

Before the next monthly meeting, old weighty Friend becomes ill and at the time of monthly meeting for business, is still in the hospital. Meeting agrees not to act on the lightbulb matter until weighty Friend recovers, since the matter was so close to his heart. The matter is put over to next meeting for business, at which time, though weighty Friend is still in the hospital, he has sent a message that he is still willing to stand aside so long as the Fox education series goes on. Clerk re-reads the three points on which meeting reached unity, and there is a loud “Agreed”.

Amhara Powell In “… the Light That Shineth in Darkness…” Orange Grove Monthly Meeting Pasadena, California

• Jokes
• Comments(0)